What They Never Tell You, Part II: Hype Leads to the Ultimate Letdown

Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite  published a wonderful post yesterday on her initial misconceptions regarding breastfeeding. Funny, that’s #2 on my list of What They Never Tell You About Becoming “Mommy”.  Here’s my take:

Breastfeeding must be marketed (for lack of a better word) to sound rewarding, easy, healthy and satisfying. If it isn’t, most people, especially the uninformed, wouldn’t give it a second thought. Breastfeeding can indeed be all of those things once you get going. In the meantime, though, it can be a struggle. And the problem is- few people tell you about the struggles, and (personal opinion approaching…) most people expect everything in life to be instant or easy. If it isn’t, they move on.

Has the practice of breastfeeding, in fact, been harmed by hype and “marketing”? In trying to influence women to breastfeed their children, have the virtues been so extolled to an instant nirvana that individuals are misled and disappointed? There are many awesome resources out there where mothers who wish to breastfeed can learn about the possible trials and hardships in getting started- the reality of breastfeeding- but the majority of new mothers that I know claim they don’t have the time to get that in-depth or involved. They all seem to share the same mantra: “Well, I’ll try it, and if it doesn’t work out, I’ll put the baby on a bottle.”

For instance, new mothers are told that it is best for the baby to be placed on the mother’s chest immediately after the birth, if possible, to promote bonding, and so on and so forth… And further, we are told that, if held to the chest long enough, the baby will begin to root and wiggle down to the breast for an initial nursing. Instinct. Sounds easy, right? The simplest and most natural thing in the world. I’d wager that most women do not have it this easy. Furthermore, it was my experience that once my baby was a few days old and past the post-birth lethargy, nursing became considerably more difficult. Timed, coincidentally, with my discharge from the hospital where I no longer had lactation consultants on hand for immediate assistance.

Ladies, hear me: boobs + baby ≠ instant satisfaction for either party.

Here’s what I think new mothers should know beyond the health benefits, economic benefits, bonding, etc., etc., that is recited to death in every childbirth education class.  None of it is earth-shattering, but it is all needed information.

1. Breastfeeding is usually difficult to begin. Although it is what nature intended, it typically does not feel like a natural action until both you and the baby get the hang of it.

2. You may experience “discomfort”, as you were told, or it may simply hurt like hell. It won’t last forever. With the appropriate support, you will be able to nurse without pain. (I cursed out loud for a week- wasn’t proud of it, but I stuck with nursing anyway.) Find the support you need from your hospital, independent lactation consultants, and/or friends who are experienced nursing mothers. Once you discover and correct the reason for your discomfort, it will go away. 

3. Trying to establish breastfeeding with your child will feel like it takes forever. It will happen if you stick with it.

4. You may not feel calmed, relaxed or even orgasmic as you have been told. Those feelings may come later; or they may not.  It won’t really matter, anyway.

5. You might feel downright conspicuous as you just contemplate breastfeeding in public. However, these feelings will probably go away once you are well-established in breastfeeding, and you will be ready to demonstrate a beautiful relationship between you and your baby. Hardly anyone will give you a second glance, anyway.

6. It is THE MOST REWARDING experience you can imagine, especially if you persevered through hardship to get there. Speaking from personal experience, it’s like running a marathon: torture at times, but you can’t imagine anything better when you cross the finish line!